dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
