Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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