I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
