She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
