Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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