Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
