My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
