Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
