whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
