Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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