dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
