Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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