be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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