Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
