Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
