i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
