I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
