Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
