I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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