He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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