Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
