How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
