these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
