They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
