i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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