i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
