I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
