There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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