I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
