So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
