Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
