I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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