i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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