found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
