Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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