I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
