can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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