Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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