jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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