The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
