I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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