STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
