If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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