hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
