READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
