i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
