Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
