so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
