Already got asked if we're dating
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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