the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
