i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
