My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
