Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my poor anus
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
