i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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