How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
