In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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