So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
