Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
