his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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